Dave Henry Hallam - a comedic circumnavigation of my current circumstances

Hi.  I'm David "Dave Henry" Henry Hallam.  I was sat in Debenham's, slowly munching on a tuna roll, thinking quietly to myself, when it suddenly dawned on me that nowhere on the internet is there something that tells the world who I, Dave Henry Hallam, really am.  Some of my friends have seen me drunk, but I want more people to know about me.  And so this fantastic website was born.

I'm a devout Christian (well, I went to my own christening) and the local bishop (the Bishop of Bramhall) was so impressed with my dancing to Van Morrison at a church féte that he agreed to use taxpayers' money to install this stained glass painting of me in the feature window at the local church.  Hopefully, this will inspire some of the choirgirls to give me a call, provided they have reached legal age.

This is me with quite a simple look.  I don't actually need or wear glasses (except to drive and to peel onions), but I do think it is something that the ladies very much appreciate.  There's nothing like a bespectacled gentlemen with a little quintessential Englishness to get their pulses racing. And there's nothing quite like a lady's racing pulse to get my pulse racing. Oh no. They also make me look rather intellectual. (The glasses, that is, not the ladies - although one on each arm rarely harms matters.)

Finally, it would be churlish of me not to include an illustration of the wackier social side of me.  After a half of bitter and a couple of whiskies, I can be as uproarious as the next man.  You do see the same old slappers at Walkabout each week and so it's good to add a bit of variety to the proceedings by putting on a bit of make-up and slapping on a wig and specs.  Most of the people I speak to think that's hilarious.  And I agree.

This is one of my favourite disguises.  It reminds me of the summer of 2001, when almost everyone could be seen sporting such a beard.  I, of course, started the trend, but obviously that's not the important thing.  (It is.)  It was practical too as it enabled me to sneak into Bramhall pubs and bars without being recognised by my old schoolchums, who I've kind of grown out of to tell you the truth.  And it was popular with the girlies, who loved to stroke my hairy goatie.