Christmas 2008 (part 1)

Thursday 25th & Saturday 27th December 2008

Following a curry at the Eastern Eye in Haddington town centre the previous evening, we weren't up too early to engage in the traditional Christmas Day present opening.  In a bid to ensure that the Hartleys' hamper did not contain any more deluxe grub or liquor, Graham tipped out the polystyrene "wotsits" all over the floor, appearing to leave Avis with the clear-up job (it's amazing how you can have more fun with the packaging sometimes).  Meanwhile, the Schofield girls play with their new toys.

Louise seemed nonplussed by a new pair of slippers, much to the amusement of Lynne, although they were soon being worn (and stained) in the kitchen.

It all gets too much for Avis, complete in obligatory Christmas-themed apron, who leaves the wotsit-collecting to the perpetrator, Graham.

Lynne showcases some of her presents; firstly, a deluxe box of chocolates from the Hartleys (actually, that's our present, but I fear it may end up in Lynne's secret stash, never to be seen again) and, secondly, a doll-shaped perfume dispenser (or something).

It's only fair that yours truly appears on camera, here sporting an uncanny summary of my perfect day (a present from Avis & Graham).  Hang on, what's the Sky controller doing near me?

Clearly the best present of the day, though, was my present for Avis, fresh from the Latics' gift shop.  What could it be...?

A pair of Latics oven gloves!  Best.  Present.  Ever.

There's obviously nothing of interest on this next photo, but it serves to illustrate how quickly the magic of Christmas was cleared away by the hand of Graham (what is it about Grahams who work at RBS and clearing away?).  Louise was convinced of the mysterious presence of an orb of light in the photo.

No sooner had he cleared away and Graham was off into the kitchen to cook up some Serrano ham for an alternative bacon butty run.  Louise wasn't best pleased at the lack of plain old bacon (photo not available).  "If it ain't broke, don't fix it", she bemoaned.

The turkey wasn't best pleased at its imminent fate.  Freaky, huh.  (Oh and we think that's butter resting carefully on the top of Trevor (the Turkey) and not cheddar cheese.)

As the temperature in the house rose due to conservative central heating, I popped into the back garden, into the crisp winter air, for some scenery shots.  First, the back garden...

...with shots also of the shed and the back of the house.

Ok, that's enough of that.  The Latics oven gloves have pride of place on the oven.

The effects of morning champagne drinking are clearly seen as Louise, dressed in the Elf apron, shows off her Riverdance moves.

However, one flour accident later and Louise was barred from the kitchen (although it was actually Avis who spilt the flour).  It looks kinda Christmassy, though, eh.

I lent a hand in the kitchen, resulting in some crackingly-wrapped pigs in blankets, and support provided for the white sauce on the (yuk) broccoli, including the grating of the cheese.  Chef skills!

The turkey, meanwhile, was coming along nicely, as were the effects of the champagne.

Aside from the collision of religion, tradition, capitalism and family, there was also the confirmation of the recent engagement between Louise and (other) Paul, via the handing over of the ring.  The excitement on their Louise's face is clear, whereas Paul is keeping his well hidden.  Good poker player?

The excitement in Louise explodes... what is in the box?  Meanwhile, Paul can contain himself.  It all amuses Lynne, anyway.

Louise shows the ring to Lynne and... can someone check Paul's pulse please?  Has there been a theft from Madame Tussauds?

Ok, viewers, here's a close-up.  Hmm, three times the monthly wage or just one times?  Gross or net?  These and many questions may never be answered.

Are you both having a good time?  Wishing you were getting engaged again?  Those times are gone!

Ok, one last shot of the ring (it is Christmas after all).  Here it is in its rightful place, never to be removed...

A picture tells, well not a thousand stories, but perhaps two.  Louise is basically thinking: "oh this is sooo boring, all these non-ring presents are so rubbish", whereas Paul is thinking: "this better not be another bloody jumper".  (It was.)

The rest of the Rowllings make themselves at home, while the champagne continues to flow.

Avis and Marnie compete to look the happiest.  Alcohol is a wonderful thing.

A picture of the beautifully laid table before the gluttony kicks in.  Needs more chairs, though.

Mild panic ensued as people forgot exactly what to do with said table.  It's an old Aotearoan custom to stand around the table sticking your hands out, evidently.

Ah there we go, everyone sat down nicely, with or without Christmas apron.

And that is where we will leave it for now.  We'll find out just how far the night descended into fun and farce in the next instalment of Christmas at the Schofields in 2008.  Click for part 2.