At the Barlows'
Newton-le-Willows, Saturday 10th August 2013
Back to being the traditional summer event, after last year's much-delayed autumnal affair, the 2013 extravaganza (probably) featured a joint record attendance (I've not even counted; I'm just guessing) and, thankfully, some dry, warm weather.
Both Matt and I took our cameras and this webpage features a selection of both. I can't be bothered asking for permission (in any case it's always difficult to tell between indignation and mock indignation), but I will flag which photos are Matt's (or his camera at least) and which are mine with "[M]" or "[P]". (You'll probably be able to tell anyway, but I'm nothing if not thorough.)
If it's any consolation (to Matt), it's been a bit of a pain to sort these into chronological order because my camera's photos are timed as an hour later than Matt's. So either mine was set to Central European Time or Matt's was not on British Summer Time. I suspect the latter. Anyways, this means that the first photo was taken indoors, of the starters. As ever, there was an eclectic and joyously-flavoured selection, from sausage rolls to tomato soup shots, with lots of other things too! [P]
In the lounge, Daisy was (presumably) recovering from a sleep during the car journey here (during which I probably throttled back to about 65 mph on the inside lane to maximise the snooze length). Understandably, she quite often spends a short while building up her normal willingness to mass-socialise. Nana Sue is on duty. Picture here also is the plastic lolly and ice-cream set given to her, I think, by the Barlows. [P]
This being a game-oriented day, the handcrafted table tennis table was set up. This was a popular feature, I think, two years ago (the weather was too bad last year). This year, Graham had apparently randomly pulled out names for the main draw. (Ooh, I think I've worked out there were 13 people - six couples plus Daisy. That must be a record.) An early practice game between Matt and Graham, as Jordan looks on, trying to get some strategic tips. In the background, the ruddy-T-shirted Mark already seems to be engaging in one of the throwing games of which there have been many over the years. [P]
Even in a warm-up, Graham would have been desperate not to miss, as demonstrated by this very focussed shot. [P]
Matt approaches such shards of competition with more indifference, using the long-forgotten seal technique to deliver this curving, arcing shot back over the net. [P]
I risk being shot / frozen out of the will, but here we have the oldest and youngest on display. Sue prepares a leisurely serve in her own time while Daisy busies herself with her shopping back of novelty ice things. [P]
Oh hang on, this is a sister grudge match, although it seems tame enough for the time being. [P]
Daisy seems a bit concerned that this might turn into a bitter and bloody Bamford battle. [P]
Actually, this game has drawn the biggest crowd thus far, at four. Or five if you include me. [P]
Daisy tucks into her plastic lolly with some good performing. [M]
Matt's not afraid to get right in the faces of the protagonists, as this close-up of Mark ably demonstrates. [M]
This is what enabled me to figure out the time difference, as I capture Matt's capturing of Mark on camera and could thus calibrate via timestamps. Mark can barely contain his smirk, and nor can Jonathan. [P]
At the other end of the table is cool-as-a-cucumber, playing-in-pink Lynne. [P]
Next up, Jonathan, who struggles to deal with the awkward groin shot. His arm just doesn't twist round enough. Mother is somewhat unmoved by this development. [M]
Momentarily forgetting that this isn't a game of Poison Ball, Helen jumps out of the way of the incoming piece of light plastic.
Frivolity is now officially over, though. Perhaps she'd herself plugged in to the Matrix to upload the Solemn Table Tennis program. Certainly being dressed in black is very The Matrix. Striking identical poses, Jordan and Sue look in with folded-arms impressedness (pretty certain that's a phrase that hasn't been used before, and with good reason). [M]
It's unnerving but exhilarating to have multiple camera angles to choose from. I'm guessing that this game has begin to go on rather long enough as the crowd are getting somewhat restless. [P]
In more leisurely developments, Daisy sits on the lawn, er, outer area of the games arena, chilling with the girls. [M]
But it isn't long before she's cheerleading from the side. Who could she be cheering? (Clue: check the next photo.) [M]
Spying Matt with his camera pointed at me, I fix him with a narrowed-eye stare, ready for the ball to be served. [M]
This is not from the textbook - I would not recommend it at home. I also apologise for the ill-matching checked shirt and shorts combo. [M]
Some very upright stances on view here, in a battle for Matt's long-term affections and wallet, with Nic readying herself for what must have been a bullet forehand from Katie. Or perhaps not. Given the lack of an audience, I suspect that this is from the practice matches. As usual, the Barlows faced accusations of practising before we arrived, so we were mildly desperate to achieve some level of parity. [M]
This is a shot that you'll see no professional play, and it's not because it's difficult to do. Again, though, I would like to focus on the superb mid-action shot - who would get themselves right into the danger zone in the line of duty...? [M]
Ok, the label in square brackets, and the quality of the shot, both gave it away. But in case you haven't guessed by now, it's Matt! My favourite bit of this shot is that it looks to be almost exactly the same moment. And if not, you can't prove it, so there. [P]
We interrupt the incessant table tennis shots for a picture of Daisy. Normal sporting service will be resumed shortly. (Also, apologies that a lot of these photos of mine are a little over-exposed. I could go through and adjust them but I can't be bothered. Stupid accidentally-selected settings. Although on the positive side it has inadvertently made it look a bit '80s. Anyway, it does get fixed shortly. By Matt.) [P]
Right then, I think Jordan beat me and Katie beat Nic, so this is the next round, which was a keenly fought match between Jordan and Katie... [P]
Guess who won? [P]
Sue thought the whole thing was hilarious. This look says: "...and if they think that I'll be running around that table tennis table in this outfit, with my joints, then they're crazier than I could ever reasonably imagine." [M]
Daisy looks thoughtful, in what is a rare natural pose. [M]
Right then, let formal battle commence. This is a match between AJ, here depicted playing a tentative backhand... [M]
...and UG, offering a gentle forehand in return. The soporific crowd wonder if they should have invested in front row tickets. [M]
Graham launches into another of his Tavaré shots, a mind-numbing forward defensive stride designed to bore the pants off the opposition (and the audience). I'm being harsh - he's a good player. (Barlow, I mean, not Tavaré.) [P]
In a mini-segment which could be entitled The Many Forehand Poses Of Graham Barlow (were I to actually do it), he appears to have taken a very defensive stance, moving back to the very edge of the green mat which he had, hours earlier, lovingly laid down. [M]
Will that do you for the time being? (It'll 'ave ter.)
Matt goes behind the bushes to get a more artistic shot of the boys Barlow, no doubt spewing forth oodles of dramatic commentary. [M]
Mark faces an awkward close-to-the-body shot which will likely need some slice to keep it on the table, or perhaps the perspective is really misleading. Will he make the shot? [M]
I'm guessing not... (although we don't know how closely these two shots followed each other). [M]
Next up, Katie vs Mark. I can't remember exactly how the games went. I have a vague recollection of Graham, Mark and Katie being in the three-way final (a result of having 12 players), which I think Graham won but Katie came second on points difference. [P]
This is the scene as the drama unfolded... [M]
Everyone seems stock still except for me needlessly thrusting across the perfectly-kept lawn. [M]
This is a pretty good summary of my day - beer in one hand, camera in the other, as I chat to Mother. [M]
Hmm, ok, I've rather lost track of the games being played at the moment. Mark is playing Katie again, but this time on the other side. Given the audience, maybe this is the real final match and the others were practice. But who knows. [P]
Hang on a minute. This is exactly the same shot again, but from a different angle. Our coordination and timing is second to none. [M]
So, to recap, Graham won the table tennis tournament but Katie squeezed into second ahead of Mark. Graham had a policy of not accepting a winning prize off himself so the winner of a small bottle of pink champagne (or whatever it is) was Katie. Here, they pose for the Newton-le-Willows Gazette. [M]
This is where it starts to get confusing. This was taken on my camera, but clearly not by me. I think Matt had a go at tweaking the settings (spotting an accidental manual exposure adjustment). I seem to be consoling Katie for some reason, whilst a queue develops for one of the many throwing games. [P]
Matt has switched back to his snazzy bit of kit to take another photo of his favourite brother and sister. [M]
Matt managed to invent his own game, which involved throwing a bit of rubbish into the empties bin. In the background, you can see the scoreboard, a photo of which will come later. [P]
Daisy looks to be having a bit of fun - but who could she be having fun with? [P]
Of course! It's fellow face-puller, Uncle Matt. [P]
This is one half of the famous sad face-happy face routine which Matt has taught her. [P]
After all the excitement of the table tennis tournament, it's time to get some downtime on the grass. [M]
Enough for this page. On to the next one...