UEFA European Football Championship 2012
The Headlines They Were Too Scared To Publish
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Contents:
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Group matches - round three
Czech Republic 1 (Jiracek 72’) Poland 0 16th June 2012
The third and final round of group matches saw the teams to go through to the knock-out phase decided. The concurrent nature of the matches placed extra demands on our wordplay abilities. As one of the hosts was knocked out, Brunginho went for:
Jiracek Czechs Republic into the quarters; Poles go south
Spaceman went for the snappier:
Petr Czech mate as Poles axed
The latter part of this line was actually nicked by Gary Lineker minutes after spaceman had posted it on Facebook, although neither were as good as Gary’s mention of “murder on Gdansk floor” (from memory, there was a big gathering watching the game in Gdansk).
Quincy got into the act with the following line, seemingly neglecting the fact that the Czechs had got through:
Czeching out after Polished performance
A dead heat between spaceman and Brunginho, with Quincy not placed.
Group A Greece 1 (Karagounis 45’) Russia 0 16th June 2012
Following a shock defeat of Russia, Greece again showed their Euro credentials by moving into the next round. Spaceman started proceedings with:
Russia slide out on Greece goal
Brunginho went back to jukebox mode to try the slightly laborious:
Greece lightning to strike twice? Some are loving Russia, but they and second round don't go together
Brunginho also offered up the following headline, which is a little leftfield:
Greece beauty schools dropouts Russia
Quincy went for:
Greek earns place in quarter finals as Russian Revolution crushed
The order is uncertain, but possibly inspired by this, spaceman added:
Greece spin through on Russian revolution
This referred in part to the turnaround which Russia had faced having started the tournament so strongly.
It’s a difficult one to call this time, so let’s call it a draw.
Germany 2 (Podolski 19’, Bender 80’) Denmark 1 (Krohn-Delhi 25’) 17th June 2012
The Germans inevitably got through to the knock-out stages, albeit with a bit of a fright against spirited Denmark. We were back to food references as Brunginho put forward:
Germans bring home the bacon as Danish goose cooked
Spaceman was a bit stuck but still managed to come up with three (albeit relatively weak) entries. First up, some knowledge of the many variations in German for the word “the” was shown:
German march onward without den Mark
Then, with the simple but ineffective:
Germans pan zer, Denmark tank
Finally, back to food references:
German mark-it, gives Danish blues
This is a definite battle of quality against quantity. So who wins…? The answer is no-one, it's a draw.
Looking back now, it's surprising no-one used Germany's second goal scorer as a source of humour (for example, reference to playing with gay abandon), perhaps because to do so might be deemed a little offensive.
Group B Portugal 2 (Ronaldo 28’, 74’) Netherlands 1 (Van der Vaart 11’) 17th June 2012
A Portugal comeback sealed the fate of the Netherlands, going out of the tournament with a surprising total of zero points, although it was a difficult group from which to progress. Consequently, Brunginho opted for:
Dutch knocked out, punch drunk from Portuguese smoothies
Not sure what Portuguese smoothies are, unless it’s just a reference to the nature of the players. Spaceman could just about muster two unconnected puns…
Ron'll do it himself; Dutch capped
…before going for something a little bit more poetic, which might be unlikely to end up on the front page of a newspaper:
Netherlands will never land the cup; Portuguese go forth with ease, they're up
Not great efforts from both sides – Brunginho would have had the win here but for spaceman's late poetry-based equaliser (the double rhyming nature of it being key). So, it ends a draw.
Italy 2 (Cassano 35’, Balotelli 90’) Ireland 0 18th June 2012
This victory secured Italy’s progression, with Ireland already having been knocked out after the second round of matches. Mario Balotelli’s volatile mood was captured by Brunginho’s:
Balotelli shows ire, lands place in quarter finals
Spaceman chose to focus on the fact that Given was at fault for the first goal, initially sloppily conceding the corner from a long range Cassano shot and then failing to keep out Cassano’s header from the resulting set piece, slipping in a sneaky food reference along the way:
First goal a Given as Italians past-a tricky group
Spaceman sneaks this one… probably.
Group C Spain 1 (Navas 88’) Croatia 0 18th June 2012
A late goal for Spain sealed their place, unconvincingly, in the last eight. The goalscorer being Jesus Navas inspired spaceman’s entry (also referencing the Croatia manager Slaven Bilic):
Jesus divinely intervenes to leave Bil-itch unscratched
Brunginho somewhat manufactured a pun but can only be applauded for it (it’s not always easy to spot first time):
Croatia eliminated by Spanish attitude - Navas, eh? Die cast for quarter-finals
This can be considered a draw.
England 1 (Rooney 48’) Ukraine 0 19th June 2012
Rooney ensured that England, rather unexpectedly, won their group, albeit with a slightly lucky goal as the ball ricocheted to Rooney for an easy finish, which prompted Brunginho’s:
Pinball wizard Rooney shows Ukraine't always get what you want
Fortune also favoured England when it came to the goal-line decision that denied Ukraine an otherwise certain goal. Spaceman weaved this into the following entry:
Unusually Roo-tine win for England after Terry-ble goal-line decision for Ukraine
Spaceman sneaks this one due to the classic use of English footballer’s names in cheesy puns.
Group D Sweden 2 (Ibrahimovic 54’, Larsson 90’) France 0 19th June 2012
France did not perform against Sweden but still made it through to the quarter-finals, finishing second in the group, hence Brunginho’s:
Zlat's the way to do it. France sucker punched and duly runners-up
Meanwhile spaceman concocted the following (with another food reference!):
Larss-on target as French toast but get another round
Another narrow (unbiased) win for spaceman.
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